Do-it-Yourself Feng Shui

Wu Ying's life is such a mess that his parents have taken drastic supernatural steps. They have sent in a geomancer to clean up his life, and to help him look out for dragons lurking in unexpected places. This book is hard to find these days, because its publishers were too busy placing their potted plants in their Wealth sector to notice that their company was going bankrupt. Which is a shame, because if anything could combine the make-over show with a ninja movie, it was my children's book of feng shui lore.

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"Is this the Wu household," he asked.

"It might be," I said testily. "Are you the feng shui man?"

"I might be," he smiled.

"You don't look like a sorcerer."

The man kept smiling. "What were you expecting, kid? Sandals and a pointy hat?"

It was the "kid" bit that really annoyed me, but I guess he was right. When Dad said I'd have to stay inside to let in the feng shui man, I'd been looking out the window for something spectacular. I don't know, maybe a man on a flying carpet, a squadron of dragons trying to squash into the backyard, a giant god throwing thunderbolts. Something like that, anyway. Whatever I'd been looking for, I'd never have guessed in a million years he'd be wearing a run-of-the-mill suit. He was carrying a briefcase, too.

"All right," I said. "If you're a feng shui man, tell me how I am going to do in the test tomorrow."

"I don't predict the future," he laughed.

"What do you do, then?"

"I change it."

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DIY Feng Shui also had a sequel of sorts, the later Face Reading.